It’s easy to think that, in these open times, where nothing seems to be taboo anymore, that people everywhere are just ‘getting on with it’, free of any inhibitions, and are more than willing to explore anything and everything.
I actually think the opposite is true. The internet, and social media in general, may have opened up the world to anyone with access, but it’s also making people paranoid. They’re thinking everybody else seems to be having great sex, except me. Is there something wrong with me?
Of course, that’s rubbish. But it is true that many people are simply just too afraid/embarrassed/lazy to address bedroom and body issues that, with a little dedication, education, and a whole lot of experimentation, could mean the difference between a life of orgasmic discovery, and one of tragically missed opportunities.
With this in mind, I thought it would be fun to start an Alphabet of Sex. Not just to talk about 26 different things to do with sex, but to try and address serious questions, explode a few urban myths, and also get people out there having fun, doing things they might not otherwise have thought of.
And don’t worry – this lengthy intro is just to kick things off… I know your time is precious. From B onwards, I’ll make it quick!!
Obviously, we start with ‘A’, which has a ready-made jumping off point…Anal sex, or knocking at the back door, buggery, digging a ditch…whatever you want to call it, having someone push their cock (or vibrator) up your asshole, remains somewhat taboo amongst conventional heterosexual (and lesbian) couples. Many consider it unnatural, which I guess it is. Anatomically, men and women were designed to procreate, which is why men have lovely big cocks, and women have stretchy pussies able to push out watermelons at will. Our assholes, admittedly, were not made for much more than defecating (although you can get pregnant from anal intercourse). So it’s understandable that people – mostly women – associate anal sex with a great amount of pain and little sexual satisfaction.
But it doesn’t have to be that way…
Like most things in life, you never forget the first time you do something. Flying in a plane, riding a bike, smoking a cigarette, having your ass fucked…..it’s not something you forget in a hurry. But, follow a few simple set of safety rules, and there’s no reason why anal sex can’t be one of the most exhilarating, and intimate, experiences for both of you.
1. Foreplay – your back door is naturally tight, and the nerve endings are numerous. Because it’s important to relax you asshole before penetration, foreplay is vital. If you’re the receiver, get your partner to massage, caress, then gently push at the entrance to your hole. As your body gets used to the ‘invader’, you’ll naturally relax more when it comes to taking the cock, or sex toy, fully.
2. Lubricate, Lubricate! – sounds logical, but lots of people forget. Whereas our pussies will lubricate naturally, when aroused, our asses don’t. Use a suitable lube (if you’re using a toy or condom, make sure the lube is compatible), and plenty of it!
3. Clean Hands Make For Clean Sex – lots of anal exploration is done by your partner’s fingers but, as sexy as it sounds, having your partner finger (or tongue) you, in your pussy, then in your asshole, (or vice versa), isn’t a great idea. A growing number of people are using dental dams – fantastic for anal oral sex, which protect against herpes and other STDs. If you prefer cock all the way, change condoms as you alternate sessions between your cunt and ass, or take time out with a steamy shower romp before you swap positions.
4. Positioning – is vital. It might come as a surprise to some, that the standard position, like you see in the movies – ie. doggy style – isn’t necessarily the best position to adopt, if you’re a relative novice. For beginners (and for many advanced back door operatives), the traditional missionary position is by far the easiest, less-painful way of getting fucked in the ass. Your body is used to relaxing this way, and mentally you already know what to expect – it’s just going to happen in a different hole. Remember, great sex isn’t just about the physical, it’s about the emotional. A relaxed brain means a relaxed body. And that means fantastic fucking.
5. Communication is key. For both men and women, agreeing to let someone screw you up the ass, takes a LOT of trust. You both need to feel comfortable doing it, and feel equally comfortable that you can ask your partner to stop, at any time. The first time WILL hurt, and anyone who tells you differently, is lying. But, do remember your first time having ‘normal’ sex? Well, that hurt, too, right? But it didn’t stop you doing it. And nor should this. Because, after lots of practice, anal sex can be one of the most intense and satisfying ways to get fucked. Believe me, I know.
Another handy tip, to take the fear out of ass-fucking, is to try one of the myriad toys out there, each designed to make the experience one to remember. Anal beads are a great way to get those nerve endings working – the anus has oodles more sensitivity than pussies or cocks – and you can even buy special anal vibrators, to get your party started. Browse one of the many online sex stores – they’re not all filthmongers, most of them actually sell fun, little gadgets that will open a whole new world of playtime to you.
What have you got to lose?
I hope these tips have helped – any questions, comments, or anecdotes of your own first-time experiences, plus any suggestions to help other first-timers, feel free to leave them below.